Klaus Rottwattz


Rottwattz got much of his leg strength from pulling a cart full of meat to market for his father. Seeing his potential and the possibility to escape the grinding poverty of a subsistence butchering lifestyle, the family decided he should try to ride professionally. As his father loaded the bloody meat cart alone, his mother took her son deep into the Black Forest. Free from the meat cart harness, a snorting and growling Rottwattz flapped and paddled his carved bone balance bike up to incredible speed before the little gristle wheels melted under the friction and Rottwattz was brought to a gentle stop just outside a gingerbread cottage. It was clear from the smell of smoking bone and hot gristle that Rottwattz was meant for sprint stardom. The family got right behind him and success came quickly.


His enormous quad muscles consume drivetrains at a rate comparable to his consumption of protein supplements and clenbuterol infused steak sausages. Rottwattz is equally comfortable on the track and photos of his legs have drawn thousands of social media likes.The constant foaming at the mouth, although a little unsightly, is the only medically approved way for him to release his excess testosterone. He has actually started collecting it in a little drip tray which Big Pharma then turn into testosterone patches which you can buy from the Hundini Fiasco Store.